How to Figure Out How Much Help Your Loved One Really Needs

Many caregivers reach a point where the weight of responsibility feels heavy, yet they still cannot name what kind of help would make a real difference. They are managing medications, providing emotional support, preparing meals, coordinating appointments, and filling every gap without ever pausing to ask how much labor it truly adds up to. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Caregiving often grows slowly, task by task, until the load becomes nearly invisible even to the person carrying it. And when something becomes invisible, it becomes very hard to communicate to others.

This week, we are talking about how to understand your loved one’s care needs in a structured and practical way. You will learn how to map out the areas of care you provide, calculate the actual hours they require, and translate that information into clear requests for help. The goal is not to overwhelm you with more lists. The goal is to give you clarity so you can lead the care, not just react to it.

Caregiving is not meant to be guessed. It is meant to be planned. And you deserve tools that make that possible.

Why Guessing Doesn’t Work

Most caregivers already know they are doing too much. They feel stretched and tired, yet they often cannot articulate exactly what they need. This happens because the daily workload becomes a constant stream of interruptions and tasks. Everything feels urgent. Everything feels essential. It all blends into one long to do list that never really ends.

When family members say, “Just tell me what you need,” the request is almost impossible to answer. When a doctor asks, “How are things going?”, answering honestly would require a thirty minute breakdown of your reality. So instead, most caregivers shrug and say, “We are fine.”

But leadership begins with clarity. And clarity begins with breaking the work down into something you can see, understand, and communicate. Once you see the full scope of what you do, you are no longer guessing. You are making decisions with information, not guilt.

Step 1: Use the Five Care Domains

Instead of thinking about caregiving as one giant category, divide it into five clear domains. This is one of the simplest and most powerful shifts you can make. These domains capture the full picture of what most caregivers are doing, often without recognizing it.

Health Care Tasks:
Medications, symptom monitoring, medical phone calls, appointments, hospital follow ups, and coordinating with providers.

Personal Care:
Bathing, dressing, grooming, mobility assistance, toileting, and incontinence care.

Daily Living:
Meal prep, grocery shopping, dishwashing, laundry, cleaning, home safety tasks, and organizing the home environment.

Supervision and Emotional Support:
Companionship, redirection, reassurance, behavioral support, safety monitoring, and preventing wandering or unsafe decisions.

Coordination and Advocacy:
Scheduling, keeping records, managing insurance or benefits, handling legal documents, arranging transportation, and communicating with family.

Once you sort tasks into these areas, the work becomes visible. Instead of a fog of responsibilities, you now have a list of actual roles you perform. Many caregivers realize for the first time that they are not simply supporting a loved one. They are doing the work of multiple jobs, often simultaneously.

Step 2: Estimate Time Per Week for Each Domain

Next, estimate roughly how many hours you spend in each area. This does not have to be perfect. The point is not precision. The point is awareness. A sample breakdown might look like this:

Health Care: 6 hours per week
Personal Care: 10 hours per week
Daily Living: 14 hours per week
Supervision and Emotional Support: 20 hours per week
Coordination and Advocacy: 4 hours per week

When you add it up, the total is 54 hours per week. That is more than a full time job, and it does not include your own work, sleep, or personal needs. The moment you see the number in front of you, you gain a new understanding of your capacity. It is not that you are failing. It is that you are doing the work of an entire team.

This number becomes your baseline. Not for guilt. For clarity. When someone asks how they can help, you can say, “I spend fourteen hours a week cooking and doing household tasks. Could you take a meal one night a week?” Simple. Clear. Actionable.

Step 3: Match Each Need With the Right Type of Help

Once you understand how many hours your loved one needs, the next question is how to divide that help in a realistic way. Not all support has to come from you. And not all support has to be paid.

Personal care tasks can sometimes be shared with a sibling, a spouse, or an adult child. They can also be handled by in home aides. Daily living tasks like meals and laundry are often areas where family, neighbors, or community programs can step in. Meals on Wheels, church groups, or local volunteer programs may fill gaps without adding cost.

Appointments may be handled by trusted friends, companion services, or volunteers through community networks. A ride to a doctor’s visit can free up hours for you.

Instead of asking, “Who can do everything?”, ask, “Who can take one piece of this puzzle?” This approach makes the workload more manageable and less intimidating for everyone involved.

Step 4: Build a Care Calendar

This is where your work becomes a plan. Put your caregiving hours on paper or in a digital calendar. Block time for medication management, personal care, meals, supervision, and appointments. Then overlay your own schedule. Include work hours, your rest time, your appointments, and your own responsibilities.

Finally, add any available help and see where the gaps remain. Those gaps represent your true unmet needs. When you see your caregiving laid out visually, conversations with family, providers, and community services become easier. You can point to the specific hours you need support, rather than relying on vague descriptions of being overwhelmed.

This is how care leaders operate. Not reactively. Not alone. But with a strategy.

You Deserve More Than Constant Guessing

If you found yourself nodding along as you read this, it may be because you are carrying a lot, and you rarely allow yourself to name it. You have been solving problems on instinct. You have been putting out fires and stretching your capacity beyond what is sustainable. You deserve a care plan that respects both your loved one’s needs and your own limits.

If you want more step by step support, subscribe to the newsletter for tools that help you lead care with clarity, not exhaustion.

Anna Thomas---

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LINKS

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The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely my own and do not reflect the views of any past or present employer of Dr. Thomas. This content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or legal advice.