Episode 17: Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Caregivers – How to Break Free from Imposter Syndrome

Let’s be honest: caregiving can feel like a silent competition.

You scroll through social media and see someone posting about homemade meals for their parent while you’re reheating leftovers in between work meetings.

You hear a sibling brag about how “they’d never put Mom in a facility,” while you’re quietly touring assisted living options and losing sleep over the decision.

And slowly, doubt creeps in:
“Am I doing enough?”
“Am I a bad daughter… or just not cut out for this?”

This is where imposter syndrome thrives.

When you’re constantly comparing your caregiving choices, pace, or outcomes to someone else’s, you’re playing a game you’ll never win, because caregiving isn’t one-size-fits-all.

Here’s how to break free from that toxic cycle and start leading your own care journey with clarity:

1. Understand That Comparison is a Confidence Killer
Every caregiver’s situation is different: different diagnoses, different personalities, different resources, different histories.

But imposter syndrome shows up when we assume that someone else is handling it better, without knowing the full story.

The truth? Most caregivers are struggling behind the scenes. You’re not the only one trying to hold it all together. You’re not alone.

2. Redefine Success Based on Your Values—Not Their Version
Instead of asking, “Am I doing as much as they are?”
Ask:
✅ Am I showing up with love and intention?
✅ Am I making thoughtful choices for my loved one, based on our reality?

There is no gold star for suffering the most. There is only the question: Is this sustainable? Is this working for us?

3. Anchor in Evidence, Not Emotion
Start keeping a “care win” list, even if it feels small.

• Scheduled the appointment? ✅

• Made a hard decision? ✅

• Took a breath instead of snapping? ✅

Care leadership is made of small, quiet wins. You are doing more than you think. Write it down. See it clearly.

You don’t need to be perfect to be a good caregiver.

You don’t need to do it like anyone else.
You just need to lead with heart, awareness, and enough support to stay afloat.

If comparison has been stealing your confidence, it’s time to take it back.

Explore More from The Age of Caregiving™

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The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely my own and do not reflect the views of any past or present employer of Dr. Thomas. This content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or legal advice.